It has come to my attention that most culinary schools don’t have athletic teams or mascots. How can this be? Culinary arts students are missing out on a crucial aspect of college life: a team to rally behind (or, in my college experience, totally ignore).

Since I’m sure that culinary school deans everywhere will read this and realize their error, I have provided a list of possible team names, mascots, and battle mottos that can be used immediately. Bon appetit!

Team name: Sous Chefs
Mascot: Plated Peter
Battle motto: Second-in-command in the kitchen, but totally in charge on the field!

Team name: The Sauciers
Mascot: Sally Saucepan
Battle motto: We’re gonna coat the opposition in a nice reduction of shame.

Team name: The Flambeaus
Mascot: Flaming Francis
Battle motto: Smell something burning? THAT’S YOU!

Team name: Crèmes Brûlées
Mascot: Ramekin Ralph
Battle motto: Victoire!

Team name: Barbecue Pits
Mascot: Sammy Pig Spit
Battle motto: We turn the enemy over an open flame until nicely roasted.

Team name: The Al Dentes
Mascot: Toothy Tooth
Battle motto: Your team, perfectly boiled, every time.

Team name: Short Order Cooks
Mascot: Clicky the Egg Timer
Battle motto: You want a side of humiliation with that?

Team name: Smoothies
Mascot: Blender Billy
Battle motto: You’re about to get EMULSIFIED.

I look forward to watching your future athletic exploits on the Food Network. Go team!