Enough is enough. Political attack ads need to change. Politicians need original angles, new questions, and higher standards. Most of all, political operatives need to lose their fear of making even less sense than they do now.
Here are a few suggested attack ad lines that I’ve written, and I approve of any national political committee interested in stealing them for their use.
Minnesota Senate Race
- Every Easter, Mike McFadden hides eggs for his little nieces and nephews. WHAT ELSE IS HE HIDING?
- We can’t afford four more years of Al Franken’s stand-on-the-feet, breathe-through-the-nose, talk-through-the-mouth antics.
- The record is clear: Independence Party candidate Steve Carlson has NOTHING to say about monkeys driving rocket cars into space.
Minnesota Governor Race
- One out of one Minnesotans gets older every day. And Governor Mark Dayton just keeps letting it happen.
- Jeff Johnson is bipedal. Will he deny it?
- Minnesota Independence Party candidate Hannah Nicollet: Not the right choice for Alberta, Canada.
Minnesota U.S. Representative District 2
- Why doesn’t bread stay fresh? Maybe you should ask Mike Obermueller.
- John Kline: Playing Hungry Hungry Hippos with the future of Minnesota.
- The price of fabric softener keeps going up. That’s why I’m concerned about Paula Overby.
Minnesota U.S. Representative District 8
- Stewart Mills: STILL silent on comfy shoe reform.
- Ray Sandman may or may not have gum disease. Is that the message we want to send to our soldiers overseas?
- Rick Nolan: one step forward, two steps back (one step to the side, just a little more, smile, click, okay, thank you very much Mr. Nolan, this photoshoot is over).
A political season filled with these original, thought-provoking, and utterly stupid character assassinations would do nothing to restore dignity to our political process. But I would be less likely to throw my television through the window, and that’s a real win for my bottom line.